Ravage: Found & Wiped Out
by OZ7UP
Summary: Transformers/Jughead x-over. What would make the Decepticons so willing to surrender to the Autobots? One-shot.


_Disclaimer: Jughead belongs to ACP. The Transformers? Well, I don't own 'em too, but it's going to be much tougher stating who they belong to, so I'll just say that the characters belong to Takara and IDW, and the whole "base in Mt Saint Helens" concept belongs to Marvel.  
_

_Mid-summer 2007  
__  
Mt Saint Helens, Oregon_

Optimus Prime was not having a good day. His mortal foes, the Decepticons, were out causing havoc in random parts of the country, sometaking placeas far as Hawaii. So far, the leader of the Autobots had done a half-decent job in entertaining the mayors of cities and towns that were being under attacked but left unattended, but it would not be long until he would have to call in reinforcements from Cybertron just to help the earth-bound Autobots.

Sighing, the commander patched a communications link to his 'eye in the sky'. "Cosmos, are you absolutely sure that all these attacks are a distraction so that Megatron can find this so-called secret weapon?" Pausing to compose himself, the leader continued. "The last thing we need is more flak from the humans if these attacks turn out to be the real deal, and not some petty distractions. What exactly does this weapon do?"

Up in space, Cosmos sighed. After landing on the moon and transforming back into his robot form, the explorer replied. "Prime, it is confirmed that these attacks are definitely for the purpose of distracting the other Autobots. As for the weapon itself, I do not know much about it except for its name and general purpose." Pausing to read through notes collected from his orbital reconnaissance, Cosmos went on. "Codenamed 'Jughead', this weapon is perfectly capable of wiping out the entire world's food supply. If Megatron were to get hold of 'Jughead', humanity is more or less done for!"

Prime could only stare at the screen of his base's main computer system. _Jughead… I know I've read about him from somewhere,_ he thought. _I just can't remember from where, though…_ "Cosmos, can you tell me where the weapon is located and if there are any Decepticons in that particular area?"

"Sorry, boss," Cosmos chirped back. "Turns out that there is one Decepticon in the general area, but he's using some sort of cloak to prevent the exact location from showing up on my scanners. If the cloak goes down, we can easily track down the weapon and take it in for safekeeping."

"Aright. Thanks Cosmos, I'll take it from here. Take a break for three Earth hours." Ending the conversation, Prime sighed again. If only he could find some Autobot youth he could give the Matrix to…

* * *

_Riverdale_

"Sheesh, Hot Dog, you sure are noisy today for some reason."

Forsythe "Jughead" Jones was confused. A couple of days ago, Riverdale's resident teenage human-vacuum-cleaner had bought a metallic black cassette tape to use as part of a project on the advancement of portable music technology. The very next day, Jughead was bombarded with a spate of bad luck – he was not sure on what was the worst: being trapped in a closet with Big Ethel, being forced to take only one serving of each dish for lunch instead of the usual two, or finding out that Pop Tate had decided to go on vacation at the last minute, preventing Jughead from drowning his sorrows with sodas at the Chocklit Shoppe. To cap things off, Jughead's intelligent dog, Hot Dog, had started acting weirdly ever since the ever-hungry teen brought the cassette into the Jones household.

"Alright pal," Jughead told his pet as he made his way to his bedroom. "I'm heading off to sleep now. Tomorrow's Saturday, so I am definitely going to find out why you're acting like this when I wake up."

* * *

Ravage was pleased. It was not easy for the robotic jaguar to find Riverdale; it was as though the town was meant to be left alone. The Decepticon chuckled to himself within his core. It was not as though all the tranquility was going to last forever when his leader, the glorious Megatron, finally got hold of Jughead. The praise that the jaguar was looking forward to would definitely be worth timing his arrival into the town, leaping over the rooftops, sneaking into the Salvation Army shop and transforming into his cassette form literally minutes before the shop opened for the day. 

The Decepticon was surprised at first to find out that Jughead was merely a hungry teenager and not a superweapon that Megatron had made him out to be, but was convinced that a huge batch of Jughead clones would be the next best thing. _Could be worse,_ Ravage thought to himself. _I'll stick around for a few more days and observe him a little bit more before I sneak off back to the Nemesis._ With that, the Decepticon went into stasis for the night.

* * *

Unfortunately for the Decepticon, Hot Dog was feeling restless. The dog had a hunch that the cassette had been nothing but bad news for Jughead, and was determined to snap the teen's life back to normal. 

Upon lumbering towards the table on which Ravage had chosen to lay in stasis, Hot Dog deliberately knocked against it repeatedly until the prone Decepticon fell onto the floor. _Not damaged yet?_ The dog thought. _It's tougher than it looks. Whoah! I've got to use the toilet! No time to head to a proper toilet or outside!"_ Looking at the cassette, Hot Dog suddenly grinned.

Ravage never knew what had hit him.

* * *

When Jughead finally woke up the following morning, he found his dog to be in a much more cheerful mood. "Well, I guess that I won't need to find out what was with your earlier behavior, pal," the teen exclaimed happily before looking down at the floor. "Hey, what happened to the cassette?" 

Looking at Hot Dog, Jughead sighed. "Well, if ruining it was the key to getting you back to normal, I would've done it a long time ago." Picking up a magnet, the teen went on. "Can't be helped, though. I just heard from Archie that he just found a huge stack of blank cassette tapes in his attic. I'll just help myself to one of 'em. First things first, though. Better destroy this tape properly so that I can get my own luck back!"

Ravage never stood a chance as all his data, as well as his spark energy that was encrypted within the tape of his cassette form, was permanently erased.

* * *

_The moon_

Cosmos was rudely awakened by a really long, loud and monotonous "NO". "Well, I wonder what could have happened to make Soundwave shatter the law that states you can't hear vocal sounds in space?"

Noticing that the cloaked area had suddenly reappeared on his scanners, the explorer immediately sent word back to his commander in Oregon.

* * *

_Mt Saint Helens, Oregon_

"Thanks for the information, Cosmos. Return back to Earth and take the week off."

Signing off, the Autobot commander could not help but feel some hope in tracking down and safekeeping the weapon. Gathering his comrades together, he started giving out the order to retrieve it. "Autobots, the weapon is currently located at a town called Riverdale. Once you've downloaded the coordinates into your tracking system, depart for there immediately. We can't risk…"

"You can't risk us getting to there first, Prime?" A cold voice called out from behind.

As Optimus turned around, his mouth dropped behind his face plate to see almost all of the entire Earth-bound Decepticons kneeling in defeat with their weapons next to them. "Megatron? What gives?"

"The weapon is not even a weapon at all, Prime. Just a plain old hungry teenager. He and his filthy mutt single-handedly killed Ravage without even knowing it. The worst part was," Megatron shuddered, " when Soundwave went crazy because of the abrupt loss of the mental connection between both Ravage and himself, and now our communications officer is broadcasting ABBA all over the Nemesis! Trust me, Prime, we'd rather surrender to your lot than to spend the rest of our stay here on Earth listening to that sappy crap!"

At this point, the assembled Autobots were already laughing themselves into pieces. The Autobot commander, on the other hand, went straight for the communications panel to open up a link to a certain space explorer.

"COSMOS!"

_A/N: No, as much as I'm into melodic death metal, ABBA is not crap. Hell, I even enjoy watching "Mamma Mia! The Musical"... The title of the story is also a play on "Trashed, Lost & Strungout" by the Finnish death/black metal band Children Of Bodom._


End file.
